Fathers Day

Sunday is fathers day.

If last year would have gone different I would be celebrating my first fathers day this year and a few days after that my child would have been a year old, the day before that would have been my then girl friends birthday, days after all this is my mothers birthday.  This month is kinda hard for me.  To many things are……..it’s hard to say.  I was talking to a friend of mine, and she has all these pictures of her boy, and there are pics of her sisters kids.  And all I could do I think Damn that would have been me.  But, its not, I don’t look down and see this small thing that would call me dad, and ask me the mysteries of the universe.  People don’t know how hard this situation was, for me.  I’ll admit I didn’t know how to react at first, like most people I was fearful could I pull this off.  Was I able to do this, and then to have it taken away from me.  All my life I’ve thought that I would die alone and to have this taken from me, it hurts.  I see kids with there families everyday at my job, and in my secret place in my heart I wonder where’s mine.  I want to yell at my kids, I want to pick them up when they get a scrape, I want to be proud when they do something great in school, or something that I would think is so small but they think is so big.  I would have loved you alex.

Happy fathers day