Random thoughts

These are just words.  Placed on this page by me, this is not an attempt to write what’s going on in the world around me or to comment on what’s going on in the world within me.  If people take from this some sense of camaraderie then so bet it, but these are just words.  A few minutes ago I was on my couch and I looked into myself, and I wondered, who are these people that we let into our hearts?  Why do we let them in, when we know that if they ever leave they will take a small piece of us with them?  Why do people when they leave from our lives take that piece were is it written that they are allowed to have that of us?  I have written that I feel regret is a sin, I say this to mean that to dwell on this stop us from moving on and regret is just that us dwelling on what was and what could have been.  I myself am going through this now, but why should I? do we only feel this way when there is something unresolved regarding the situation, or do we feel this way when the actually event didn’t play out as it was supposed to.  Something in the way things happened threw off the unseen machine that is our lives.  And our regret is life attempting to tell us that we need to fix things.  I honestly don’t know, for all of these years I have been under the impression that I am a person who is supposed to be alone.  My skills at helping people see there problems don’t work with me, so when I get into arguments I fall back on my old crutch of anger and push people away, so thusly I remain single.  Better able to help people for I am constantly on the outside of everyone’s relationship, and never on the inside of my own.  There was one point in my life when I was told I would die alone, of this I have no doubt.  I’m getting off track, did I have a track I don’t know if I did even that eludes me now.  I came to the realization today that we as people only have perfect vision when looking backwards, after all hindsight is twenty/twenty, we can never see far enough ahead to predict and avoid the missteps that we make sadly.  This more often than not includes the people we encounter, wouldn’t it be lovely if foresight was twenty/twenty.  I wonder is my regret my hindsight telling me that there is a person that I bypassed who would have been perfect for me.  Or did I meet the person already that I should have been with and have since let that person go to be lost to the ether for all time?  Only to be thought about in a journal that no one will ever see? We reach out to people our souls stretch out hands unseen but felt by many.  The caress that we feel has been gentle and sometimes harsh.  When we pull those souls close to our hearts why do we rage at the deconstruction of our selves when that gives way to the creation of something new something more?  Are we scared of what would happen if we just let all of our guards down, drop every façade.  Just truly be a human being.  Sorry for the inconvenience, we now return you to your regularly scheduled blogg already in progress………

wolf