Memory lane

Break up suck.  It’s a fact, not even a statement really.  But you know what sucks more, when the realization hits you that the person you were with has moved on.  It’s worse than a punch in the gut, to see that you are not the number one priority in said person’s life.  Ya see that’s the worse feeling, the realization that you can’t have back what was once yours.  It’s like life is holding what you once had and its right out of your reach, you can look at it, your fingers can even brush it, but you can grab it anymore you can’t hold it anymore just look at it is all you can do, and it sucks.  I have people in my life that every time I close my eyes I see them.  It doesn’t take much for my to still feel them next to me and other things like that like I said it hurts, believe me.  Most people are fortunate enough to forget or at the very least hold some small embers for the people they were with, but I get the dubious honor of virtually never forgetting.  There are a few details here and there that I don’t remember but for the most part I remember everything.  
Things that I remember

That time she asked me to kiss her ‘cause “we’ve never even kissed before how do you even know we’ll like it”
     I’m pretty sure she liked it, she would never tell me though

That time she came to my house at eight in the morning just to drop off a flower in my door with a card.

That time I woke up at six in the morning just so I could travel to her house so I could go back to sleep next to her

That time when I found out that I was going to be a dad
     The baby would have been a year old this month happy birthday Alex

That time I she broke up with me cause I wasn’t with her on new years
     That was totally my fault

That time when she told me that she was jealous of a person I was with

There are so many other things that replay over and over in my head, and there isn’t anything that I can do about them.  I even at one point thought that drinking would help, trust me it doesn’t all the drink does it let you see your fuck ups more clearly.  I hate this feeling, and now that a friend of mine is going through this I wish that I could put everything on hold and be there for her.  It hurts to know I can’t, to know that the person who did this I would have met and been able to say something about this guy, not that people listen to me, that would have helped to show him for the person who he was.  In this I almost feel like I failed as a friend, truth be told I feel like this whenever any of my friends are hurt and/or are in trouble.  I guess this is the sign of me being a good friend.  I have no clue if that’s what it means or not. I have nothing else to say that wont get me all choked up with rage at my own stupidity, so ill end this here

P.S she has a man now there’s no way I could get that back if I wanted too
WOLF