with out happiness is to be without love
I’ve been losing sleep. To be honest I know why this is I just didn’t know what to do about it. I realize that my being alone is what’s keeping me up like this. But, the solution to this malady is figuring out what exactly I want in a companion. For some reason the answer to, what should be, a simple question eludes me. I’ve met women that make answering this question easy they want, a provider, a spiritual counter part, even some one that will give them material wealth. But, in the end they know what they want from a man and wont settle for anything less.
It would easy for me to say that I need a woman that makes me happy, but that’s the crux of the question isn’t it, what makes me happy? That’s the key really cause if I don’t know what makes me happy how can anyone else do that for me? Quite frankly as a man I have no clue of what makes me happy. There are things that I do to past the time, but is that what makes me happy?
I don’t think men ever learn what makes them happy we emulate concepts that promote instant gratification rather long term happiness. Looking back to my own recent experience I feel now that they all failed because I have no clue of what I want in a woman this is where many men fall short in their relationships.
When I think about it most women have some concept of what qualities in a man that would make them happy. Be it money, stability, or physical prowess, sexual or athleticism. Even women who chose the more superficial qualities tend to grow out of those misconceptions and seek out men whom they believe to have qualities that make them happy.
But where do we, men, stack up in all of this? Again speaking for myself I feel I am grossly behind the curve on this subject. How am I or we for that matter to find a companion if we don’t know what makes us happy? The things that I do to past the time have been viewed as childish, nerdy, or boring at best looking at those things it’s no wonder the women I have been with have been described as “little girls”. It’s no wonder that when I attempted to have a relationship with someone who I now know to have many of the qualities I want in a woman, I failed.
When do women realize that there are certain basic qualities that lead to happiness? Fact is this is something they do from an early age and even go as far as planning it out with friends. How come men are forced fed that a pretty face and a fat ass means your doing something right? Once again it comes down to instant gratification vs. long term satisfaction.
I think that men without knowing it still think as small children. At what point do we become so afraid on a mental level that we are unable to try something that could lead to our happiness, just because of how our peers would view it? Could it be that some where along the way women learn what internal questions to ask that lead to them figuring out what they want and me are left fumbling in the dark due largely to our own fears, and because of that we are left emotionally stunted.
Looking at this it’s easy to see why so many guys cheat. So consumed with the thought of instant gratification and with no fore knowledge that something more lasting could be out there, of course they hop from women to women. This by no means is to explain or act as an excuse for this sort of action, but an understanding of it can lead to the prevention of it, I believe. Honestly it’s not because of the classic excuse they like sex, rather its because being a child who refuses to grow up, they grow tiered of something considered no better than a toy, they feel as though they need a new toy to obtain the same level of happiness that they had with the old one. All of this is a direct result of men not knowing what they’re looking for in a woman.
I’m beginning to realize that for men this is not a simple question to answer. I think that like women we need to think from an early age what we want out of a relationship and out of our companions. As a gender we have proven that we can identify what about women we find physically appealing, but we neglect other aspects that make up a person out of the equation.
Do you value intelligence?
Do you want her to be athletic?
Does she want a family or is her career first in her life?
Basic question like these we leave up to fate during our relationships to show us, and in doing so most of us fall short of finding those answers. Without knowing what makes us happy there is no way that we can find someone who makes us happy. We will go through life half blind believing the things that please us during the moment are the things that last, and end up alone or stuck in a situation that is devoid of love for our lack of knowledge.
posted by Wolf at 7:53 PM
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