Hair cut

I love cutting my own hair. Every two weeks or so when I cut my hair it’s almost a bi-weekly catharsis, seeing myself in the mirror, hair falling to the floor, and at the gradual change that I make in the few minutes it takes to cut my hair. There are times that I look at myself before and after and im not the same me. Im lighter some how like the weight of the whole world was on my shoulders and by cutting my hair and giving myself this little change I allowed myself to shrug my shoulders and let the weight, like my hair, fall away. Its also times like this that I am reminded of the secret little things that i keep to me and only me. I'm always shocked at the thoughts that go through my mind and then there are times that im not shocked at all; those times scare me the most. But after the hair cut when the natural insulation that the creator has blessed me with has fallen away and any cool or warm breeze brings familiar sensations back to my head. For that time everything is as it should be.

ookami

Drunk posting=bad

Out of the many things you shouldn't do when your drunk you should never:

1.) dial someone you have feelings for.

2.) text or email that same person ( i've done both not pretty)

3.) post to your blogg

L0V3?!!??

I'm having a week, and it's only tuesday nigt. I hte when you have relavations and there is nothing you can really do about it. I noticed that i've never really been in love, you know that's not true. I dont really know what love feels like, so i could have been in love and just never really known it to tell. That could be true, how are we supposed to know if we are something if we dont know how it feels. And no you can't really say that your parents love you cause thats not really the same thing now is it? Parents love you because you came from them, they had a hand in your up bringing, its almost as if you are an investment of time and when you do good in life they can look back and say say "we did a good job". They wipe our tears and smack us on the ass when we do wrong, and its because they are our parents and they love us, but in a parental way. But, what does LOVE feel like? I mean that knock down drag out movie shit, that type of love when you want to be with some one youll journey half way across the globe show up at there wedding just for the audeince to hear " I Ross take you Rachel" type shit. Thats what i want, it's fake yeah i know, but thats what i want. People nowadays want to make sure they have all their ducks in a row before they settle down, and even when they think they do, they still break up, cheat and do everything else without the people they supposedly love. So can they really say that they are in love? I know people that while they are dateing others they have cheated on them yet they still say i love the person im with. How can that be true? Aren't relationships supposed to be like a pre-game before you figure out if you want to be with this person forever, and if they are then you dont really love that person now do you? I always thought of love as the willingness to accept the faults of the person you want to be with, and realize that there are just somethings that you can't change. Now im not saying that you should go OH well thats just them, and move on. Because when you say things like that eventually Oh well runs out, you cup get to damn full of putting up with their shit and you say fuck this i cant have a person like you in my life. But love, love make you say thats how they are and i love them for it. Great example of the differences of the two; Ike and Tina Turner, when that shit started out, she was like oh well ike just gets a little excited and just wants me to do well, later in life she was like Fuck dat shit!, example two now this is on some geek shit so go to wikkipedia and look this up, Joker and Harley Quinn, she knows joker is crazy she knows everytime he escapes from arkahm he kill 300+ people, she loves him. Yes that last one can be looked at as shes crazy, but ims tarting to see that love like being a genious rides that line of just being fucked up in the head. Love is that line that stopps you from seeing that the guy/girl with the chainsaw isn't chopping down trees like he/she said they were while you where in the kitchen bakeing cookies. Love is that light in the middle of all of our dark and stupid tendancies that people latch on to, they walk with us and all they can see is a light that we shine and can't see ourselves, i think thats what love is. When we say i am part of this craziness, and they look at us with this look at us like we shine so brightly that the whole world is so lucky to have us to light the damnable day, and just our living makes the night a little bit more bereable. I've never known love, and i dont know if i ever will. I dont know if my eyes will ever be open enough to see the light of other people i dont even know if people can say the same about me, maybe they have and they were blinded, and when their eyes adjusted all that was left was the bullshit and thier cup rannith over. I dont know anymore, i need a drink.

ookami

Interesting day

So work, was broing, but the thing that my day interesting is that was that a friend of mine told me that she thinks about marrying me?
We talked all day about this subject at one point the word soul mate came up honestly if i gave just to seconds of thought about who was my soul mate it would be her. We have had so many up's and downs through the almost decade we've known each other we could have been married divorced and remarried over again, or atleast people would have thought we were married from how we acted with each other. I remmber going to Penns Landing and just sitting, ive never done something like that with anyone else. She is the only person that i could honestly just get lost with and never worry about where we are as long its the two of us i know we would get out of it. We did that when we went to go see rent we missed the first act of the play, i could be wrong about the time we missed but we did miss time. Now i have this crazy feeling going on with my ring finger, its almost a ghost sensation like ive worn a ring there before and trust me i never have. Once again im closing my eyes and seeing her smile, going to her blogg looking at pics. Was all this afternoon real or will i wake up tomorrow and this will be just another mid summers night dream oh dear non-readers. It's nice to know someone wants to have you all to themselves, but you know what. The honest reason why i could never make myself do anything with her in our convoluted past i never thought that i lived up to what she could want , i still dont think i do.